Thursday, May 30, 2013

Turning a corner?

Last night I slept for the first time without dreams! At least I don't remember any, so I'm pretty happy. I have had sleep issues for years and basically learned to live with them, but since April I have been happy to not sleep. Horrible, sad, anxious dreams do not leave you feeling able to face the world with a smile.
Ray finally convinced me to go see my GP so yesterday was the day. We talked, and cried (her mother died several months ago) and she offered some help and suggested I try taking something. I told her I didn't want to take anything that made me want to sleep walk, drive or eat! I don't want to feel like a zombie or drunk. And since medications generally make me nervous did she gaurantee no scary results?
Her response..."There are no guarantees in life or medicine." I like an honest doctor. She told me to try this pill tonight and if it didn't help just don't take anymore. If it does maybe we have found a way for you to sleep without all the anxiety you are having.
Well Doc, you were right! Thanks!

Sewing in my sewing room is still not happening much. Some times I can go and sit while listening to a book and press or cut or even get a couple of seams done, but weirdly out of the blue I start crying and have to leave the room. It's crazy because sewing was always how I managed my feelings. If being a mom was getting hard or a child was making me wild eyed I knew my sewing room was where I could go to work it out. Now it seems All I do in there is think of Moma and cry.  When will this stop?
Lately I have been sitting in the living room and knitting or crocheting. After 20+ dishcloths and multiple face washcloths I'm wondering what else I can make.  Kari may come over today so I'm sure I will send some of this home with her. She is always so sweet to take stuff home.  She may just chunk it in the trash, but is so sweet and just oohs and aahs over it and puts it in her car.

I still have that wedding quilt looming over me. I have come to the conclusion. It will not be finsihed before the wedding.

Maybe I'll take a walk.


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