Tuesday, May 17, 2011


reflection or reflexion (rɪˈflɛkʃən)
1. the act of reflecting or the state of being reflected
2. something reflected or the image so produced, as by a mirror
3. careful or long consideration or thought

I had a horrible phone call first thing this morning. I knew it was bad news as soon as the phone rang. Do you ever just know when a call comes in that it will be bad news?   A former co-worker of my husband's lost his teen aged son last night. We have no news as to how, just that it happened. I ache in my heart for the man. His wife died several years ago, and now his son. I can not even imagine the pain.
I feel guilty too. This is the same man who never took call outs from work, and there were a lot in those years. My husband always had to take them because this man was always spending time with his family. He was always at a motocross meet, or fishing, or baseball game with his son. There were times I was pretty vocal about my husband not having family time because he had to cover for "Family Man". My children also voiced their opinions at times. For some reason my husband always seemed to handle it with and an even temper. Now I feel guilty. After the fact I see that he only had a limited amount of time with his wife and son. I am thankful this morning that he has all the memories to hold on to. I still feel like my husband missed out on a lot, but it was for a reason. We still have our children and each other.

Another thing that I am reflecting on today is something my daddy said to me last night. Daddy has started calling me and being very vocal about his wants and needs. He said to me that he needs people to call him and talk to him and to come by and sit and talk to him. I say "to" him because since the stroke he stutters and can't always say what he wants.
I have dealt with a lot of bitterness in my heart from the way my family was and is. I did over and above for most of my adult life trying for a relationship. Never got one. Now that he is older and bad health he wants a relationship? He demands a relationship? I live in Florida so any relationship will be long distance so I don't have a problem calling and chatting. He never wants to talk more than 10 minutes anyway so even if we only chat about the weather I can do 10 minutes several times a week. My issue is, NOW he wants the relationship. We couldn't have one when my children were small and needed a Grandpa and not when I was a new wife and could have used some advice on being married. Now when I am grown and finally got used to him not wanting/needing me, now he wants/needs me.

I can see I will need some therapy on this one! My friend will be hearing from me this week.
Parts of this post may be edited and removed later but typing this has helped.
Off to the sewing room for scrap therapy!


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Diane, there is a lesson learned in this...if you want to do something, do it today because life is certainly uncertain. People joke about eating dessert first but here is an example of just that.

And believe me, I know what you mean about family relationships and the complexities of them. And it's hard to believe, but you are the parent now...not your dad.

And, doing what you want and/or need to do, like being in your sewing room, is definitely therapy.
Linda G